Saturday, September 30, 2006 @ 11:58 AM
sorry that i've been
talking on and on about my prelim results this few days.. and sorry to say that
i'm still going to continue talking about it today.. just not as much, *lols.
heard a bad news that they aren't going to round up our marks to the nearest
whole number, so my e maths score isn't secure, because i got 74.6 to be
accurate. that's an a2 and it'll affect my l1r5. hope this news is not true.
also hope that they'll be moderating combined humanities, because i need another
one and the half marks to jump another grade. that'll be jumping 2 grades then.
can't find any more marks to squeeze out from geography and social studies
anymore.
wonder how my friends
actually jump so many grades. they have the same aggregate as me initially, but
now they're nearing single digit. found that the world is so unfair. not that i
don't know, just that i really feel that way strongly after so many incidences
this year. "being good to others is as good as being cruel to
yourself" is my mindset now, since everyone seems to be having this mindset
as well.
friends. do they
really exist? they are not willing to sacrifice for you. but, so be it. i won't
be willing to sacrifice for them either. i thought friends were secondary when i
was in secondary one, but my class changed my thinking. with the present
classmates, i changed my thinking again. why bother even making friends
with them when in the end no one will eventually treat you as one. rather, you
are just another competitor that they're going to thrash. fight for your
survival. who cares about friends anymore.
mr koh said i'm too
serious about life. he asked me to make more friends during the 1st 3 months.
eugene tay hit the bull's eye. he said "mr koh thinks you have no friends
so he asked you to make more." true. i agree. but i find that i can only
trust myself, though not completely still. if i can't even trust myself
completely, how do i even trust friends, or classmates rather. anyone can betray
me any time. even myself. am i not right? people tell me i'll find more friends
when i go further up the education system and meet more people. i seem to meet
more people and also meet even more hypocrites. guess that's the way my life's
supposed to be.
inspired by the
testimonial jia jun wrote me in friendster. shan't complain anymore. i'll turn
all failures into fuel. i'm quite sure i won't be complacent about my prelim
results because this is definitely not my best and i'm not very happy about it.
i don't believe i'm that bad and i'm not going to sit around doing nothing. i
had this chance to ask for more marks to jump grades during prelim, but this won't be the case
anymore in 'o's. i have to get solid grades. i know some of them reading my
entries would probably feel like slapping me but i guess i don't really care,
because ultimately, it still depends on me. this is my life, and so i do what i
want with it. don't ever tell me what to do. most importantly, don't look down
on me.
i detest liars. guess
i'm being ironic here because i'm one myself sometimes. this is so as to
survive. but nobody believes me anyway, so it doesn't seem to make any
difference.
my greatest competitor
is you me and i'm going to beat myself.
